based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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