I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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