It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
