He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
