kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
