I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
