Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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