I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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