I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
