You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
