Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
