So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
