I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
