I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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