Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize