Your dad touched me again.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
