Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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