HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
