Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
