i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
