IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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