shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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