Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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