All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
