I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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