I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
