Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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