Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
