i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Two words: blizzard sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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