And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
