i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
