Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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