Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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