My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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