Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
