"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Couch. On fire.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
