i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
