He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
