And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
