hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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