Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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