I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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