Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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