he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
