At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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