Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
