You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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