i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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