We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
