i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
