How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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