She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
