it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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