I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
