If that was your dad, he is hot
oh god the rape fog is back!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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