i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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