Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
