I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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