she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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