i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
