i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
