She is in my trunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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