Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
