Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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